Humor

HUMOR: TOP 10 NATIONAL TITLES THIS WEEK

Many of our readers often ask, “Why is your Top 10 so belligerent and mean-spirited?” »

And we always respond with the same answer: “Our editors are the kind of people who get bad guys into movies.” With that in mind, and to appease our soft-hearted followers, we’ve found 10 quirky headlines from around the country that don’t mention oil prices, guns, Johnny Depp, the stock market, or monkey pox. So here’s…

The good, the funny and the ugly… Top 10 US headlines this week:

10. CNN, “New EU rule will require all phones and electronics to use a standard charger.” Translation: The average family will save five hours a week looking for specific phone and tablet chargers.

9. Fox 5 New York: “Pro-choice activists strip naked during Joel Osteen’s service.” Translation: “If you buy luxury jets tax-free, you should at least lead Sunday worship.

8. The Wall Street Journal: “How David Bowie’s Ziggy Stardust Redefined Stardom.” Translation: David Bowie was cool then and now. We can never read enough about the coolness of David Bowie.

7. CNN: “The tumors just disappeared – cancer patients are now in remission after a drug trial.” Translation: None necessary. Please let this be real.

6. Essay in The Atlantic: “Why is daddy so crazy?” Translation: It’s actually a great read, but it also reminds dads everywhere that you’re not the only grumpy dad, while examining the joys and dangers of fatherhood.

5. CBS News: “Proud Boys frontman charged with conspiracy.” Translation: It’s fun and fun to peddle racism and hate while dressing up in military fatigues you bought at the local army surplus store…until you’re held accountable for being a wretched moron.

4. Fox News: “No apologies. Kid Rock tells Tucker Carlson he’s sticking with a drunken rant attacking Oprah Winfrey. Translation: Nothing could be more Fox News than Kid Rock chatting with Tucker Carlson about not apologizing for a drunken rant against a prominent African American woman in America.

3. The Daily Beast: “Trump Staffer Told Fake Voters to Operate in ‘Complete Secrecy’: Email.” Translation: Both sides are still looking for hard evidence. Well, TV coverage on January 6 will be littered with them, but we doubt everyone is watching them.

2. The US Sun: “Tiger Woods turned down $1 billion to join Saudi Arabia-based LIV Golf series.” Translation: The myth that “everyone has a price” has just been debunked…or, at least, we know that Tiger integrity costs over a billion dollars. Dustin Johnson, not so much.

1. CNN: “Ted Lasso will end with Season 3. But that was always the plan.” Translation: Sadly, this will be the end of a refreshingly positive comedy on Apple TV+. However, it’s a wonderful reminder that we’re about to get another dose of Jason Sudeikis for one final season of streaming perfection.