GLEN HUTTO Special for The T&D
Always, always trying to find a way to laugh. Here are my top 10 hunting lies I’ve heard, but of course, never used!
1. “So this gun was only $50 and it was so cheap I just had to buy it!” It’s proof that women are a much smarter bunch as a whole than men. Women know the gun doesn’t cost $50 and men are lying to themselves.
2. “Don’t worry, we’ll be home as soon as the hunt is over.” When exactly does the hunt end? Last shot fired? The last shot was drunk?
3. “It’s a good investment. I’m going to sell this dog for more than I paid! Classic lie and your spouse knows it. They never say yes, but because they don’t say no, you go buy it anyway.For 15 years of this dog’s life, you tell people how supportive your partner was.
4. “My uncle said we could hunt at Mr. George’s.” It’s very embarrassing when Mr. George pulls up in his truck and announces he doesn’t even know your uncle and chases you away.
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5. “All you have to do is share the gas with me.” Well, just make sure you don’t pay at the pump upfront for the whole tank, because you’re unlikely to be owed anything, ever.
6. “Ole Brumley never lies. If he barks, there’s a raccoon in that tree. Maybe not exactly a lie, but raccoons do tree jumps so…
7. “We NEVER catch deer on public land, so there’s no point in you going there, honestly.” It’s a trick. If you ever hear someone tell you this, get an address or GPS coordinates; they kill uh.
8. “I just got a new truck. Without a 4×4, I can’t pick the kids up from school in the snow. First, we don’t have much snow in South Carolina and second, you want to always a new hunting truck. Nothing new.
9. “I eat everything I kill.” Many people tell you that they eat everything, but don’t believe it. Just to demonstrate, try some opossum. Some people definitely love the opossum, but that “some” is probably less than 1% of people.
10. “I’m not scared, I just want to see if you’ll make it.” This lie comes in handy when you want someone else to wade through the stream when the temperature is 20 degrees so you can find out how deep the water is.
Glen Hutto lives in Orangeburg, is an outdoor enthusiast, a Certified Firearms and Hunter Safety Instructor with the SC Department of Natural Resources.