By Amy Kuperinsky
JERSEY CITY, NJ — Local police departments across the state took to Facebook in the hours leading up to the major snowstorm expected to hit New Jersey Friday through Saturday.
Most shared weather reports and sent reminders about snow removal, alternative parking solutions, shoveling around fire hydrants and staying home in dangerous conditions. As a state of emergency was declared due to the impending weather event, they urged people not to drive on the roads.
But some New Jersey police departments couldn’t stick to the usual scenario. So they went with jokes. (Any type of bold is ours, for emphasis.)
On the eve of the big storm, a sweep of New Jersey law enforcement Facebook accounts yielded long, dense paragraphs of information about public safety, parking and snow removal.
The Fair Lawn Police Department?
A spare article with the five sentences:
1. “It’s going to snow from tonight until tomorrow night.”
2. “You know the deal.”
3. “We say the roads are going to be bad, tell you to stay home, most of you do, some of you can’t.”
4. “Some of you like to swipe for snacks on 7/11.”
5. “It is what it is.”
The Roxbury Township Police Department has apparently prepared their materials, and they are now ready for the Comedy Cellar.
“We expect anywhere from 0 to 72 inches, with no start or end time… much like the course these days,” its Facebook post said, acknowledging the broad… implications …of this particular pandemic forecast.
The post also warned residents.
“We have a few household issues that we would like to remind some of you, not all of you, and ‘you’ know what category ‘you’ fall into.”
It was on.
“Do not park your vehicle on the street. If you keep your vehicle on the street, the city cannot plow efficiently. If they can’t plow, you’ll be solely responsible for your halfpipe-like road to the 2022 Winter Olympics, your neighbors will hate you.
But that was not all:
“Do not shovel, plow, lift or lob snow from your driveway onto the street or sidewalks. And while we’re on the subject of sidewalks…they need to be cleared as well.
“A lot of our seniors in town could use a hand clearing their sidewalks. Get your kids out, if they hesitate, tell them you’re going to spend the whole afternoon learning TikTok dances and threaten to post them, watch how fast they grab the shovel. Magic.”
Let’s be honest, some of you will still post TikTok dances.
Scotch Plains Police have taken a similar approach to Fair Lawn – comedic resigner.
“So the weather is looking a little brighter and crowds are rushing for supplies of French toast,” the department said matter-of-factly, alluding to the holy trinity of hoarding bread, milk and snacks. eggs (and the inevitable destination for those three ingredients when spoilage is an issue).
“The current showers will continue for most of the day,” the Facebook post continued early Friday. “It’s the fake storm. If you’re having trouble driving during the fake storm, stay home or take the bus during the real storm.
Passive aggression can be good… for comedy.
“Snowfall rates of 1+ per hour are possible overnight as we enter Saturday,” the Montville Township Police Department said.
“Blowing snow and snow drift with possible near whiteout to blizzard conditions remain possible with this storm system. The good news is…YOU (not us) should ALL sleep while this is happening!
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