Humor

Pun Alley offers corrective humor as students return to school |

Next week, these big yellow vehicles will reappear on the roads, indicating that school has started. It is important that everyone pay attention to school bus stops and departures as well as children crossing roads and streets.

I found some school tales from last year to get you in the mood for this year.

To help!

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On the first day of school, the kindergarten teacher said, “If someone has to go to the bathroom, put up two fingers.

A small voice from the back of the room asked, “How will this help?”

By the way

An English teacher spent a lot of time correcting grammatical errors in her students’ written work. One busy day, she sat at her desk rubbing her temples. A student asked, “What is it, Mrs. Sheridan?”

“Tense,” she replied, describing her emotional state.

After a short pause, the student tried again: “What was the problem? What was the problem? What could have happened?

Short topics

When I was a kid, we walked 10 miles to school every day, uphill, often in rain or snow. Man, we felt stupid when we found out there was a bus.

Skipping school bungee jumping will get you suspended.

When the electricity went out at a school during a storm, students were thrilled.

Since light travels faster than sound, isn’t that why some people seem bright until you hear them speak?

When I went to school, I was so smart that my teacher was in my class for three years.

As the school orchestra tuned its instruments, the conductor told the audience that it was a Chinese folk song called “Too Ning”.

While in college, Robert E. Lee was voted by his classmates as the most likely to secede.

Customary work

Girls from the local middle school started using lipstick and put some in the girls’ room. Then they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of small lip prints.

Eventually, the director decided that this had to stop. She called all the girls and the guard in the girls’ room. She explained that these lip prints were difficult to clean from mirrors every night. To demonstrate, she asked the maintenance worker to clean one of the mirrors.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, plunged it into the toilet, then cleaned the mirror. Since then, there have been no more lip prints on the mirror.

Say what?

The English teacher asked his class, “What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?”

A rather cool child raised his hand and said, “I don’t know, and I don’t care.”

Then the teacher asked, “Give me two personal pronouns” and pointed to a certain student.

The student replied, “Who, me?”

Later in the same class, she announced, “There are two words I don’t allow in my class. One is rude and the other is cool.

From the back of the room, a voice called out, “So, what are the words?

I’m looking for those two words. Maybe I’ll find them next week.

miracle worker

After being interviewed by the school administration, the potential new teacher said, “Let me see if I understood correctly. You want me to go into this room with all these children, and fill every waking moment with the love of learning. I’m supposed to edit their disruptive behavior, watch them for signs of abuse, and even censor their t-shirt posts and dress habits.

You want me to wage a war on drugs, check their backpacks for weapons, and raise their self-esteem. You want me to teach them about patriotism, good citizenship, sportsmanship, fair play, how to register to vote, how to balance a checkbook, and how to apply for a job.

I must maintain a safe environment, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, offer counseling, and communicate regularly with parents by letter, phone, and report card.

All of this I have to do with just a computer, books, a bulletin board, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies my family for food stamps. You want me to do all this and yet you expect me not to pray?

I think teachers need all the prayers we can give them. They have a major role in shaping the character and the future of our young people.